12 de marzo de 2009

Story

It was a rainy night, everything was pitch dark, the metal-like smell of the blood was in the air, which was thick because of the gunpowder, yet everything was quiet, strangely quiet. Suddenly a person moves; slowly recovers the feeling of his body and touches the pocket inside his coat, just to make sure that the paper is still there. He was wounded but it wasn’t too bad
The hands of our character were shaking, but he was alive. His name was Kurt Sinclair and he was an FBI agent, unfortunately that seemed to be his curse. He had an important mission that was classified, for now that wasn’t as important as staying alive
Quickly he took the keys of his car and went out of his house. He knew the mob was after him and next time he wouldn’t be so lucky. He made sure that nobody was near him; he started the car and went away really fast. He drove to General Richard Armstrong’s house to receive further instructions
The music in the radio was disturbing so he changed the station over and over again hoping to find something relaxing; the luck wasn’t on his side so he turned the radio off. He was about to get to the house when a bright light blinded him. The house exploded so he got out of the car and ran towards the sinister. The house was burning and the body of the general was lying in the grass, he was barely alive. The general gave him instructions to deliver the paper to a spy that lived next to the dock and then died in Kurt’s arms
Kurt was shocked and very sad, he took a cigarette box out of his pocket, his hands were shaking badly and he couldn’t light a cigarette, finally the cigarette was lit and the smoke relaxed him, suddenly the lighter fell of his hands for no apparent reason but the sound produced before the lighter fell off his hands was familiar; a sniper. Quickly he ran and took cover, his car was far from him and the sniper could hit him, a race against death could be dangerous. “Don’t run from a sniper, you’ll die tired” were the words that he repeated in his mind.
The house exploded again, and Kurt ran as fast as he could, fortunately he made it and got inside his car, the rear windshield broke after the impact of a bullet and he stepped on the gas. He made was alive once again but for how long? Quickly he drove to the dock and got inside the house of the spy, when the spy opened the door Kurt kicked it with all his strength. When the spy was on the ground Kurt pointed a gun into his face and threw the paper next to him.
The spy smiled and he said, calm down Kurt I’m not the enemy, slowly he took the letter and started to read, his face had an angry look. What is it? -Kurt asked-
This paper contains the data to make the new bio weapon, this could mean the destruction of the human race, and no one should read this. So they threw the papers into the fire and nobody knew their secret

The end

I give myself a 23

21 comentarios:

  1. Hi Arturo!! I do like a lot your story, you catch the attention of the reader with your writing, the only suggestion I could made for you is to try to use some description of some specific words for getting the whole idea with the context, like supporting lines or something. Perfect!

    ResponderBorrar
  2. HI arturo:
    I like your story, the envoirment you created I like, may be you leave incomplete somme parts of the history, I 'm not talking about the end, but I might be feel this because is a short story, but I like it.. Good work
    Bye

    ResponderBorrar
  3. Hi Arturo
    I think your story is very good. I just want to make some suggestions. In my point of view the introduction is not very strong and I would like, since the beginning, know more about Kurt. I think the sentence: “The hands of our character”, takes away strong from Kurt.

    ResponderBorrar
  4. Hey
    Nice story, the opening paragraph makes you want to keep reading.
    I only have to say that there are a lot of lose ends, your story is just too big for 350 words.

    ResponderBorrar
  5. Hi Arturo, I like, it was full of action, so you don't get tired of reading, so in general was really good, the only thing is that maybe you get out of space so you can't be as extensive as the story needs but it was ok, it is a good story.

    ResponderBorrar
  6. Hi Arturo:
    I love stories, you´re a story teller. Just check this phrase: "The luck wasn´t on his side" and try to adjust the story to 350 words I agree with "you can´t be as extensive as the story needs"

    ResponderBorrar
  7. Hi Arturo, your story has a good structure, in general a good use of the words. There are some sentences that just are too long, maybe try to adjust them in order to keep the reader into your story. Is a well done work, with a good develop of your ideas, but in the second paragraph maybe you should change the phrase "our character" for Kurt. That provokes into the reader the interest of discovering who Kurt actually is.

    ResponderBorrar
  8. Hey Arturo!

    Your story is really exciting! I had a good time reading it. I think you have a great vocabulary and your ideas are good organized, maybe you should do it in more paragraphs, because they loocked to "full".

    Grat work!
    Cheers, Monse.

    ResponderBorrar
  9. Hi Dear Artu:
    Well done!!, your story is exciting with a lot of action, it really catch the reader´s atention. you have good vocabulary, but it was too long, but it has to develop all you ideas...(I think so )

    Nice work! (happy face^^)

    ResponderBorrar
  10. Hi:
    I really enjoy reading your story, but it was too long and that's why I suppose that you couldn't finish at all. It was well structured and organized.

    ResponderBorrar
  11. Hi Arturo

    I like your story, you describe it very well, maybe just the open paragraph could be other to get the attention of the reader very instantaneously, I think it’s a good job, but you did the end very quickly, maybe you could take more time to end the story .
    But I like it!!

    ResponderBorrar
  12. Hello Arturo!!!
    I like your story, because you grab my attention and it has a good structure, but I think that the opening paragraph doesn't fit with the story. Maybe you can improve the end of the story becuase you finished so abruptly and that wasn't good for the whole composition.

    ResponderBorrar
  13. Hi Arturo,

    I think you did a very good job. I enjoyed your text. The opening paragraph is very interesting, it made me want to continue reading. I liked the action in your story, and it is well organized and interesting.

    ResponderBorrar
  14. Hey Arturo.
    I enjoyed reading your story, the opening paragraph is really interesting so it makes you keep reading. I like the descriptions also.
    Good story.

    ResponderBorrar
  15. Fantastic story, you have a wonderful mind hahaha, besides that what can I say? is simple, easy to read and of course it atracted me since the begining.
    well done, perhaps you should try as a writter rather than chemistry

    ResponderBorrar
  16. Hi arturo:
    Hey very good story!!!! well depeloped and original, very creative and descriptive at the same time,I got lost at some parts of the story because of the complex but it was vey good.
    nice job!!!!!

    ResponderBorrar
  17. Hello Arturo!

    I liked your story, is very good, you have a lot of imagination!

    I don't know what to say, you have a very good domain in your writing.

    Perhaps your story should have longer (although I understand that we had a 300 words limit), I think that your end it was very sudden.

    That's all I have to say.

    Gabriel García

    ResponderBorrar
  18. Hello Mr. Metallurgical Engineer

    Wow, your story is just great. You know exactly how to do an excellent writing filling the text with interesting ideas.

    The whole text is mysterious and you know how to maintain an atmosphere of suspense. Your vocabulary and use of English support the quality of your text.

    ResponderBorrar
  19. Hi: I think you express yourself in a very clear way, but there are some aspects that are incomplete for example, why the thing about the new bio weapon?
    Janin

    ResponderBorrar
  20. Hello Art
    I really like your story, you cathc the atention of the reader and envolved in the atmosphere of the scene, i like because is short, I suggested make more dialogs with the characters and be carefull with the punctuation. Good work Congratulation

    ResponderBorrar